"I know trans people who didn't survive Trump's last term."
"My sister told my cat she’s built like a linebacker"
"How do I get the dog in the mirror to stop harassing my dog"
"I've started stealing... I'm not very good at it, but once I get caught and locked up, they will probably have to feed me. Win-win."
"My doctor had the balls to ask me if I was sure I wanted my tubes tied."
"Apparently I packed up my desk indicating to them that I would be leaving soon."
"Why do we say 'slept like a baby'? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets."
"Would she say the same thing if I was dating a woman?"
Is there a beauty blender in the room with us?
This seems to be happening way too often.
"I've started stealing... I'm not very good at it, but once I get caught and locked up, they will probably have to feed me. Win-win."
"A PIP is a hop, skip, and jump..from you getting fired!"
"Why do we say 'slept like a baby'? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets."
"How do I get the dog in the mirror to stop harassing my dog"
"My sister told my cat she’s built like a linebacker"
Is there a beauty blender in the room with us?
"Apparently I packed up my desk indicating to them that I would be leaving soon."
"My doctor had the balls to ask me if I was sure I wanted my tubes tied."
"I wake up with my cat trying to convert me into bread. I'm not safe, guys."
"Would she say the same thing if I was dating a woman?"